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這篇essay很簡單,卻被哈佛大學商學院作為范文公布

時間:2018-10-30 16:06來源:未知 作者:quanlei_cai 點擊:
哈佛大學的名氣不需要小編著重介紹了吧,作為世界上最著名的大學,哈佛商學院(HBS)也是美國商學院三大巨頭之一。想要拿到HBS的offer,不僅要求超高的成績、完美的簡歷或推薦信、優秀的課外活動、工作經歷,文書也是影響申請成敗的重要影響因素,在申請者自身實力相當的時候,文書能夠打動招生官更是可以直接決定錄取結果。今天我們主要討論申請essay如何寫,以一個實例說明什么樣的essay是最有價值的。 2013 年哈佛商學院文書的題目如下: Youre applying to Harvard Business School. We can see your resume, school transcripts, extra-curricular activities, awards, post-MBA career goals,
哈佛大學的名氣不需要小編著重介紹了吧,作為世界上最著名的大學,哈佛商學院(HBS)也是美國商學院三大巨頭之一。想要拿到HBS的offer,不僅要求超高的成績、完美的簡歷或推薦信、優秀的課外活動、工作經歷,文書也是影響申請成敗的重要影響因素,在申請者自身實力相當的時候,文書能夠打動招生官更是可以直接決定錄取結果。今天我們主要討論申請essay如何寫,以一個實例說明什么樣的essay是最有價值的。
2013年哈佛商學院文書的題目如下:
You're applying to Harvard Business School. We can see your resume, school transcripts, extra-curricular activities, awards, post-MBA career goals, test scores and what your recommenders have to say about you. What else would you like us to know as we consider your candidacy? (No word limit)
你正在申請哈佛商學院。我們可以看到你的簡歷、學校成績單、課外活動、獎項、工商管理碩士職業目標、考試分數和你的推薦者所說的關于你的事。那么,作為候選人,你還有什么是希望我們知道的?(無字數限制)
也就是說,在你的文書中不能出現任何材料中已經提及的經歷或過去,而是需要通過這篇文書補充一些招生官不了解的事情。
那么該寫些什么?如何去寫?不妨讓我們來看一篇范文。
What else would I like you to know?
I am who I am today mostly because of my brother [name]. [name] was born when I was four years old, and he had an extremely rare birth defect called Robert's Syndrome. At the time, he was one of a handful in the world to have it. He was born without arms, couldn't walk or talk, and had many other severe physical and mental defects. It was a complete shock to my parents. He was only expected to live for a day or two, but after a few weeks in the hospital he was healthy enough to come home with us. I was too young to really understand what was going on; I was just excited to have a brother. 
[name] was a full-time job for us. For his entire life he was incapable of doing anything for himself. My parents and I didn't have much, but we did have an amazing family and group of friends to support us. We couldn't have taken care of [name] without all of them, and seeing this level of sacrifice from so many people had a huge impact on me. No one ever complained. No one ever hesitated. We just did what we had to, and I saw first-hand at a young age how important it is to work together and help those around you. And our family (extended included), became so much closer because of how we came together for [name], and that closeness still holds today. 
 [name] ended up living for about four years, and I'm so grateful for the lessons I learned from him. My generosity, kindness, team work, and independence, come directly from him being in my life. And learning to deal with that level of stress and responsibility made me a much, much stronger person than I would have been without. 
So my family and I have carried [name]'s memory with us since he passed in the form of giving to others. About ten years ago, we started a charity called [institution], whose purpose is to supply beds and bedding to children in our area who are without. The thought was that [name] spent most of his life in bed, and if we hadn't had a decent one for him his life would have been so uncomfortable. As of this year, we have supplied almost [number] kids with mattresses, blankets, and stuffed animals, and each year we are able to help more and more children.
This mentality of service has been a big part of my life since we started [institution], and as I got older I wanted to start branching out to new service opportunities. And let me tell you, [city] has been a great place to start. This city has made a serious impression on me. Anyone who's from here either loves it or hates it, but either way, [city] is the kind of place that defines a person. [city] is the underdog, full of unrealized potential. Living in a place like this has opened my eyes to the heartache of missed opportunities (not even mentioning our sports teams…), and it's because of this that I've become so involved in the community. I've been able to work with so many very smart, driven people, and together we've done a lot to make a positive impact. My work with the [institution] has allowed me to help raise over [number] for small, local NFPs, and my work with the [institution] has complemented that with a more hands-on, service based focus. And being a Big Brother through [institution] has allowed me to make a lasting, consistent impact in a more focused way. 
All of these, together with working for a commercial bank, have given me a very satisfying life balance. I'm able to do so many things, and able to make a tangible impact in each of them. But sometimes I do so much that I don't take the time to stop and look around – to process what's happening. This was missing in my life. I know that the path I'd been taking was the right one for me, I'd just never truly felt ready to move on to the next phase. 
This changed this past summer when I did my first [event]. If you're not familiar with this, it's a [number] mile swim followed by a [number] mile bike and then a [number] mile run. Still seems nuts to me. I'd never done a triathlon of any kind before I signed up for this, but was so overwhelmed by watching my friend compete in the same one the year before. I'll never forget the moment: I was watching a quadriplegic go up the final – and largest – hill in his wheelchair, sweating, grunting, and crying. And finishing. I'm pretty sure everyone watching that was crying; it was one of the most moving things I'd ever seen. So I signed up. 
Training for this requires a serious amount of time, most of which you're alone with your thoughts (no music allowed during the race, so you train without). Eight hours biking, five running, and two swimming, each week for seven months, is so mentally taxing, and your mind goes to some new places. I started reflecting a lot, and really began to understand the choices I've made and the impact they've had. I thought a lot about where I was in life, why I was there, and what I would have done differently along the way. I thought about what I wanted for my future, not just career-wise, but in order to be happy. And it's not so much that my views changed from this experience, but I feel like I've gained a new level of clarity. I'm much more confident in my life goals, and can pursue them with pride and conviction. 
I'm now ready to move on to the next phase of my life, and am very excited to do so. 
專家點評:
這篇范文出自2014年的一位申請者,essay題目叫做《The Giver》,通讀全文你會發現這篇essay遣詞造句出人意料的簡單樸實,高中生也能毫無障礙地看懂,但是卻成功入選HBS“essay寫作指導”的最佳范文之一,為什么呢?
首先,文章情感表達的真實感人,每段銜接的非常自然,語言樸實地道,不露聲色的回答了why MBA, why now。
其次,哈佛商學院“essay寫作指導”的編輯是這樣評價的:這是一個關于某人的人生軌跡如何被自己兄弟出生而影響的事件,事件本身就很有意義。而且,這件事改變了作者對待社會對待他人的方式,甚至改變了他的信仰,這種影響力是強大的。而能夠用簡單清晰的方式表達出這種強大的文章就是powerful essay 。
每篇powerful essay都需要做到的一點是“show who you are beyond your resume”——具體來說就是“你的重點是什么,生活中你想要做什么,什么事成就了現在的你,現在你為什么想做這件事“。
因為,招生官已經知道你上的什么學校,參加過什么俱樂部,經歷過什么職業,但是他們不知道這些經歷如何影響和造就了你,所以你就是要告訴他們這些,這就是這篇essay的意義。



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